hell yes lets make some ravioli
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
