The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
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She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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