I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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