I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
