And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
