If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
