Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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