You just made me feel so damn special
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
