so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
