i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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