For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
