By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
