I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
