I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
