i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
