you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
