ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
