Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
whose parrot is this?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
