when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
