When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize