How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
