My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
