***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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