Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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