what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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