Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize