This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
