I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
