my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
