Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
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