The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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