I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i love accidental penises.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
