I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I cannot find my penis.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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