You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
