dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
