Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
