I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
