It's Friday. Sex?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
