so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
