There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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