You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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