that's an acceptable place to lick
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
