I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
