And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Even my vagina gasped.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
