Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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