Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
