Cold hands, warm shart.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
