Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Randomize
