I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
