she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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