3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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