dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
