I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?