saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
