I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.