8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night