so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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