I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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