I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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