sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
