in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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