I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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