good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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