Will you blow on my dice?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You're like the curious george of whores
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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