I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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