My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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