Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
