woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
