She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
