Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
