I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
where am i from again
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
