I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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