dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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