omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
