Im at strip club and am horny
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
