Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My butt remains clenched, sir.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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