dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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