Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
