You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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