you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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