yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
