i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
