I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
