I puked a lego.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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