3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
